Analyse a Pie Chart _ Writing Task_ FEEDBACK, SUGGESTED ANSWER AND TIPS TO IMPROVE

Model Graph

You should spend about 30 to 40 minutes on this task.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

                                                             IELTS Sample Pie Chart - Electricity Generation

The pie charts illustrate the electricity production in Germany and France in 2009, displaying data on total electricity generated and a breakdown of renewable sources.

In Germany, conventional thermal was the dominant source, contributing 56% of the total electricity generated, while nuclear energy accounted for 23%. Renewables made up 17.4% of the total, with biomass 39.3% and wind 36.9% being the primary contributors. Hydroelectric and solar energy accounted for smaller proportions, at 17.7% and 6.1%, respectively.

In contrast, France relied heavily on nuclear power, which constituted 76% of its electricity production. Conventional thermal was the smallest contributor at 10.3%, while renewables accounted for 13.7%. Within the renewables sector, hydroelectric power dominated, making up 80.5%. Wind energy and biomass represented 10.5% and 8.1%, respectively, while solar energy contributed only 0.9%.

Overall, the data reveal significant differences between the two countries' energy strategies. Germany relied more on conventional thermal and had a diverse mix of renewable sources, while France was predominantly dependent on nuclear power, with hydroelectric being the primary renewable source. These differences reflect each country’s available resources and energy policies in 2009.

COMMON MISTAKES TO AVOID WHEN REPORTING DATA: 

Grammar and Sentence Structure

Common Issues:

• Awkward Phrasing:
• Wrong: “German has a huge percentage of conventional thermal almost a 60%.”
• Right: “Germany’s conventional thermal power accounts for nearly 60%.”
• Subject-Verb Agreement and Article Usage:
• Wrong: “German has...” (incorrect subject)
• Right: “Germany has...” (correct subject)
• Ensure proper use of articles (“the”, “a”, “an”) in your sentences.

Strategy:

• Break long or complex sentences into shorter, clearer ones.
• Read your sentences aloud to check for natural flow and correctness.

 Vocabulary and Word Choice

Common Issues:

• Informal Language:
• Wrong: “France prefers using nuclear energy with a usage of 76%.”
• Right: “Nuclear power accounts for 76% of France’s electricity generation.”
• Repetitive Expressions:
• Wrong: Repeated use of “we find” or “has a huge percentage.”
• Right: Vary your expressions—use “the data indicate” or “it is observed that.”
• Technical Terminology:
• Wrong: “hydroelectric” when referring to electricity generation in a general sense.
• Right: “hydropower” is more precise when discussing the energy produced by water.

Strategy:

• Build a vocabulary list of formal expressions.
• Replace informal phrases with academic alternatives (e.g., “the data indicate” instead of “we can see”).

Data Presentation

Common Issues:

• Vague References:
• Wrong: “Germany only uses 18% of it.”
• Right: “Wind energy accounts for 18% of Germany’s renewable energy mix.”
• Inconsistent Numerical Formatting:
• Wrong: Using “KWh” or inconsistent percentage formats.
• Right: Always use “kWh” and consistent percentage symbols (e.g., “18%”).

Strategy:

• Clearly link numerical data to the corresponding energy source.
• Use precise language: instead of “a quarter of the spending,” say “approximately 25% of the total.”

Tone and Formality

Common Issues:

• Overuse of Personal Pronouns:
• Wrong: “First we can see all types of sources…”
• Right: “Initially, the chart displays all types of sources…”
• Conversational Language:
• Wrong: “we can see” or “in reverse.”
• Right: Replace with more formal alternatives like “it can be observed that” or “the data indicate that.”

Strategy:

• Replace personal expressions with impersonal alternatives:
• Personal: “We can see that…”
• Impersonal: “It can be observed that…” or “The data indicate that…”
• Practice rewriting sentences to remove “I” and “we.”

Special Focus – Avoiding Personal Pronouns

Why It Matters:

• IELTS Writing Task 1 expects a formal, academic tone.
• Overuse of personal pronouns makes your report appear subjective.

Common Examples:

• Personal: “In the first pie chart we find…”
• Impersonal: “The first pie chart shows…”
• Personal: “We can see that France prefers…”
• Impersonal: “It is evident that France prefers…”

Strategies to Avoid Personal Pronouns:

1. Identify and Replace:
• Scan your text for “I” and “we” and substitute with phrases like “the chart indicates” or “the data reveal.”
2. Focus on the Data:
• Center your sentences on the information presented rather than on personal observation.
• Example: Change “We can observe that…” to “It can be observed that…”
3. Practice Rewriting:
• Exercise:
• Original: “We find that Germany uses conventional thermal power most extensively.”
• Revised: “The data indicate that conventional thermal power is the predominant source in Germany.”

Tips for IELTS Writing Task 1 Success

1. Understand the Task:
• Clearly describe and compare data.
2. Use Precise Language:
• Avoid vague terms and personal pronouns.
3. Organize Your Report:
• Structure your response with an introduction, overview, details, and conclusion.
4. Proofread:
• Always check for grammar, punctuation, and style errors.
5. Practice Impersonal Writing:
• Rework sentences to maintain an academic tone and objective style.

ACTIVITY: Instructions

1. Read each of the following personal sentences carefully.
2. Rewrite each sentence in an impersonal form:
• Avoid using personal pronouns such as "I," "we," or "our."
• Focus on the data or observation instead of personal opinion.
3. Work individually or in pairs, then discuss your answers as a class.
4. Compare your answers with your classmate.

Personal Sentences

1. Sentence 1:
   "We can see that Germany generates most of its electricity from conventional thermal power."
2. Sentence 2:
   "I believe that France relies heavily on nuclear energy."
3. Sentence 3:
   "We find that renewables are used very little in both countries."
4. Sentence 4:
   "Our analysis shows that wind and biomass are the major renewable sources."
5. Sentence 5:
   "We have observed that solar energy is not significantly used."

Avoiding Personal Pronouns [IELTS Writing]